Autism is my Giant

14 01 2008

Our minister is doing a series of sermons on Heroes of the Bible… you expect the usual– Daniel, Saul (Paul), Esther, Abraham, Moses… But who is Caleb? I’m the daughter of missionaries– was there whenever the Church doors were open… and I really couldn’t remember this guy…

Caleb was Joshua’s sidekick. (You know the wall of Jericho– Joshua and the trumpets the wall came tumbling down…) Anyway, Caleb was a good guy.  He was sent into the Promised Land with Joshua (and several others) to check it out before they went in.  Caleb came back and told the people of Israel that it was amazing! “We gotta go there! Sure, there are some giants but we can take ’em!” To make a long story short– God approved of Caleb’s report and promised him the land they had seen.  45 years later– by now Caleb was 85– Caleb goes to Joshua and says it’s time. “I’m ready to go fight the giants and take possession of the land God promised me.” (Obviously this is paraphrased…)

Forgive me if I have taken too many liberties with the script but, each of us has a giant… be it an unhappy marriage, money issues, childhood pain– or Autism.

Autism is my giant. I love it and hate it. I love who it has made my son and I hate that it penetrates every area of my life… I hate that it makes simple (simple for me) things so difficult for my son. I hate that when it’s time to go– it’s time to go.  The red shirt goes with the white vest. All food is white and language is difficult… I hate that my son can’t tell me what he wants to be when he grows up… 

I’m really conflicted about wanting it to go away because in some way it makes me feel like I don’t love J the way he is– but I do! I don’t want him to be somebody else– I just want it to be easier for him– and, when I’m being painfully honest; easier for me…

So, Autism is my giant– and, here I am ready to battle it! I can take it on!




2 responses

14 01 2008

The interesting thing is– my autistic stepson is named Caleb.

I agree with all the feelings you express.

14 01 2008

Thanks, Jasonwrites.
May your Caleb slay his giant!

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